Thing a Week 28:: Further Revelations on Super Heroics

I wrote a post a while ago on different awesome types of superpowers, and most of the things that I said I still agree with. However, as I have to continued to dwell on this indescribably important topic, I have decided that it's probably a good thing they don't exist. I'd like to say it's because we as a whole would turn them to nefarious, world destroying of pure black-hearted evil, but I really don't think we would.

In my experience, most people would simply act like jerks. I mean, think about it. it's like winning the lottery. People just don't consider the actual ramifications of such a sweeping development. At first they're all "Yay, i won the lottery, now I can be rich and happy forever", and then in three moths they're all "Aw man I lost it all to taxes and now I'm dying in a gutter alone and unloved". People who developed super powers might start meaning help defend truth, justice and the American way, but they'd probably end up shaking down the criminals they beat up for lunch money. It would just be too easy to abuse things like that.
I realize this is hardly an original thought, but what mainly brought it on was easy it would be to be a jerk if you DID decide to abuse you superpowers. Think about the kind of snarking you'd be able to do when you were fighting criminals!
"Oh NO, you bound my arms in three inches of steel chain, how will I be able to use my superstrength NOW- oh wait, it's SUPER strength. Wouldn't want to flex too hard, I might break these chai-OH SNAP. Too late now. Guess I don't know my strength, eh EH? It's funny because I'm about to beat into an unrecognizable pulp!
"StrongDude, you're kind of a jerk, you know that"?
"Hey, SHUT UP"

Awesome.

Thing a Week 27: Kind of a Post?

So in the first place, I'd like to apologize. This post probably won't be very long, and there is only one thing to blame it on (well technically, you could blame me, but I like to think that just because I'm the cause of an event doesn't mean I'm responsible for it. This attitude probably explains the current condition of my life). "BUT ROBBIE!" I don't hear you scream, "Surely the blame rests on you for not preparing a topic or doing any work on the post before 11 o'clock on Saturday!" riposte i thusly:
HA! and again, for unnecessary emphasis because I have childish love for hyperbole HA!!! WHile you could make that argument, and while it is a valid point, I just so happen to have a point fo my OWN. And I like to call it... Omegle. it's a site where you connect to a stranger, and then have a conversation. It is also addictive like donuts glazed in crack. To give you an idea of how addictive it is, I started this post at 11:20, went to get the address of Omegle at 11:25, and came back to finish this at... 12.
The thing is seriously like a crack sammich. I first heard of it at XKCD, where it's described thusly:
[It feels like that scene in Fight Club where the narrator sits down next to Tyler on the plane. Two strangers meeting, laying out their personality and sizing each other up in just a few words, with no expectations, and — thanks to anonymity — no consequences.

Except in this case, a lot of the time Tyler just screams “COCKS”, punches the narrator, and jumps out of the window.]

It's an apt description.

Seriously, though, the site is amazing. It's impossible to describe the feeling you get when you just connect and have an interesting conversation you will never meet again. More often, you'll get a bot spamming, but it's still a very enjoyable and addictive time waster. You should check it out!

Actually, you shouldn't You really shouldn't. Once you taste the forbidden fruit, you always thirst for more. And like some Lovecraftian horror lurking in the murky begrimed depths of the sea, when you look into its eyes....

it consumes you.

Thing a Week 26: "She Likes Cloth"... That'd be a Good Band Name

Something has recently been floating at the top of head, and I have therefore decided to broach the cask of my mind onto the Internet so that I may reuse he space for more valuable thoughts, like whether or not I should go make some toast (currently leaning towards not quite yet). Anyway, the Thought is this: Do other people try to turn all of their most awesome sounding phrases into albums/song titles?

I realize this may sound trivial (because it is), but the answer could have dramatic repercussions*. You see, I like to base my existence on the basic presumption that everyone else is a slightly (sometimes drastically) inferior copy of me, that thinks in the same ways as me. Some might call this presumption, or solipsism (technically, they would be wrong on that. Solipsism is the belief that I'm imagining everything else, whereas this is the belief that I am the pinnacle of everything else); I like to call it reality, and I'd appreciate if the rest would make a bit more effort to catch up on the scene.

This philosophy has always served me well except for the many, almost continuous times that it hasn't, but recently it hit a kink. Namely: If not everyone else is in on this Higher Truth, then they might be making an effort to individualize into NotMe's, which kind of throws a wrench into my plan to turn all of you into the drones of my hive mind. Therefore, I have decided to release the into the wild, where you may browse upon it at your leisure, and I can use your reactions to test the validity of the theory, so that eventually I'll be able to herd you all back where you belong. Underneath me.

....So, originally I was planning on turning this into a rant on band names, but I actually like this more. I will therefore cop out at this point, and leave anyone reading this with the following observation: The best album title is Curse the Black Daystar. WHy? It just is!





*Wouldn't Dramatic Repercussions be a sweet band name

Thing a Week 25: Worse Lateness

Due in part to bad planning on my part, and in part to limited computer access, I am posting this a full day late. I apologize, and will attempt to get back to a more timely schedule come next Saturday. To attempt absolution for this unpardonable crime, I am therefore writing something which I don't absolutely hate. It regards a juice box I was looking at a few days ago.
I am the kind of person who reads boxes and labels when I'm bored, so I was glancing at an off brand juice box, and I was struck by the title:

100% EXTREME 100% JUICE FRUIT PUNCH

I found it worrying. I mean, think about what it's saying! It is, apparently, fruit punch. I can accept that. Although I'm slightly skeptical, I could be persuaded that fruit was involved the production of this beverage and that the beverage can, in fact, be classified as "punch". Except it's also juice. 100% juice, to go by the title. Can juice and punch coexist? Are the two, in fact, one and the same? It is a gosh darned MYSTERY, and I am currently to lazy to see if Wikipedia can solve it. And then, of course, there is the extremity of it. This is an extreme drink. Very extreme. It's extreme! I cannot possibly stress just how extreme it is. It's so extreme that it isn't even extreme at all, it is actually eXtreme, which is apparently what happens when an adjective levels up. It has achieved some sort of transcendence. I am talking about the kind of extremity the has lightning bolts radiating from it. You could use this kind of extremeness to describe someone snowboarding out of a supersonic jet while fighting a grizzly bear strapped into a hang glider that has wings made from machine guns.
THIS JUICE IS 100% EXTREME
So I'm just wondering, why do we let this anywhere within fifty feet of our bodies? (the answer is, of course, that it is delicious and chock full of addictive chemicals)