Thing a Week 6: Captions are hard to come up with

I have a confession to make: I am terrified of writing non-humorous prose. The thought of making things which don't have the potential to make some future reader laugh so hard they accidentally snort the tortoise they trying to feed into their nose and then they have to go to the doctor to surgically remove it, and the doctor snickers at them and leers suggestively while asking how they managed to achieve THAT little physiological miracle (I hate when that happens, don't you?), and they they sue me for damages... the thought of not writing that kind of stuff scares the heebie-willies out of me. There are couple of reasons why: in the first place, serious writers aren't supposed to use the paragraph long run-on sentences and logical fallacies that I eat like chocolate. Second, i have tried to read some of the fiction produced by my friends and acquaintances. It is like what you would get if you exhumed the corpse J.R.R. Tolkien, then stitched it together with the mangled remnants of C.S. Lewis, Christopher Paolini, and every other fiction writer that has convinced my fellow abusers of the keyboard that they could TOTALLY write like that, no really, they could do that! You know what you get when you stitch together corpses? You get a really big corpse with an unhealthy amount of thread going through it. For those of you who are unclear about these things, that is... bad. And I know in my heart of hearts that if i sat down to make a well thought out piece of serious storytelling, it will start out bad, go to tortured, and then degrade into conversations about how the Great War of the Sutherlings and the Elder Ones of Dal'Gahl'E'Rath began when the Farmlings slaughtered the Fra'as with their own Kryptoses, and no one wants that to happen.