if you cant tell, i get emotional about toast.
and here is something which i GAURENTEE you can eat without distestinal discomfort. probably.
Toast
you will need at least 1 slice of bread. i recommend 2-8 slices for optimal deliciousness. the type of bread you use is one of the most important factors. texas toast is one of the classically rewarding, and i can recommend it highly, but by far the best is thinly sliced homemade, preferably white although whole wheat is delicious too. multigrains are also pretty tasty.
you will also need a toaster. if you dont have a toaster, you can also cook it in a pan or the oven, although those are both quite a bit more labor intensive.
insert toast into toaster (or oven, or on pan) and bake until thoroughly browned on both sides. if you dont get it properly browned, i will personally come to your house and bluudgeon with the toaster. there is a reason it's called TOAST. if of wasnt supposed to be brown, or at least golden, we'd call it "limp, lifeless mildly heated bread... stuff". and we would never, ever eat it.
the most important part of making toast isnt the actual cooking though. its ALL in the buttering. you have to start buttering it as soon as it's out of the oven, no matter how hot it is. i dont care of you end up recieving fourth degree burns all over your body, you have to butter as soon as its done cooking. make sure the butter is spread evenly all over the toast, and that there is plenty of it. butterless toast is almost as bad as mildly heated bread stuff.
and finally, you have to top it. a properly made slice of toast can be eaten without sweetening of any kind, but a touch of honey or jam (i favor raspberry and blackberry) can transform it into pure ambrosia.
and THAT, sir or ma'am, is how you make toast.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
recipe 3: almost edible!
this is the third, and one of my favorites.
ok, for once im going to make a recipe you might be willing eat.
manetwich
1 hamburger bun
1 hamburger patty
slice of cheese, whatever you feel like.
mustard (please, use the good stuff. after all, this is ART) good BBQ sauce of your choice (or ketchup, if you're a philistine) or condiments of your choice.
small frying pan
canvas with paints, and a naturalistic setting
first, heat pan, and start cooking patty. continueto cook until no liquid leaks out and it's thoroughly browned
put patty on bun, and apply toppings of your choice.
next, take your delicious conoction out to a relaxing, quiet area (i prefer somewhere near a small pond, for the fascinating light play) set up your canvas, and paint with quick, effecient strokes paying attention to the effects of light on the scene. stop after about 15 minutes, or as soon as the light has changed noticeably. start up painting again the next, at the same time as before. repeat until finished.
by the time the painting is complete, the manetwich itself will probably be getting a bit furry, so you might have to toss it. on the other hand, you'll have a DELICIOUS piece of art.
ok, so maybe i'll never get around to writing a practical recipe. at least its fun though.
ok, for once im going to make a recipe you might be willing eat.
manetwich
1 hamburger bun
1 hamburger patty
slice of cheese, whatever you feel like.
mustard (please, use the good stuff. after all, this is ART) good BBQ sauce of your choice (or ketchup, if you're a philistine) or condiments of your choice.
small frying pan
canvas with paints, and a naturalistic setting
first, heat pan, and start cooking patty. continueto cook until no liquid leaks out and it's thoroughly browned
put patty on bun, and apply toppings of your choice.
next, take your delicious conoction out to a relaxing, quiet area (i prefer somewhere near a small pond, for the fascinating light play) set up your canvas, and paint with quick, effecient strokes paying attention to the effects of light on the scene. stop after about 15 minutes, or as soon as the light has changed noticeably. start up painting again the next, at the same time as before. repeat until finished.
by the time the painting is complete, the manetwich itself will probably be getting a bit furry, so you might have to toss it. on the other hand, you'll have a DELICIOUS piece of art.
ok, so maybe i'll never get around to writing a practical recipe. at least its fun though.
recipe 2: this time, its inedible
this is the second recipe i worked on. i dont think its as far my others, but it still makes me giggle.
ok, hopefully noone else has done this:
ok, i have to warn you: im making this without looking at a recipe, and with the intent of making it as hard as possible. you could make this. theoretically, you could eat this. but theres a reason eating it in-game makes you lose hp.
dwarf bread
1 cup whole wheat flour/corn meal mix
1 egg
pinch of salt
conspicous lack of leavening
mix together flour and egg, then shape into an unappetizing lump. you can cook it in an ozen, on a cookie sheet, but i recommend placing it on tinfoil and cooking by an uncontrolled fire to get that mixture of burnt on the outside/raw on the inside that sets dwarf bread apart from all others. well, that and the complete vileness of it.
ok, hopefully noone else has done this:
ok, i have to warn you: im making this without looking at a recipe, and with the intent of making it as hard as possible. you could make this. theoretically, you could eat this. but theres a reason eating it in-game makes you lose hp.
dwarf bread
1 cup whole wheat flour/corn meal mix
1 egg
pinch of salt
conspicous lack of leavening
mix together flour and egg, then shape into an unappetizing lump. you can cook it in an ozen, on a cookie sheet, but i recommend placing it on tinfoil and cooking by an uncontrolled fire to get that mixture of burnt on the outside/raw on the inside that sets dwarf bread apart from all others. well, that and the complete vileness of it.
my version of recipes
a very awesome game i play, called kingdom of loathing, has recently been working on creating a database of recipes for ingame foods. im insane to actually try doing this, so ive been working on writing recipes... or the kind of thing that i like to think of as a recipe.
this is the first one i wrote
Super kabob
ingredients:
1 lb. beef, chopped into eigths
1 lb pork, also eighthed (?)
1/2 lb chicken, chopped in quarters
2 whole onions
3 jalapenos. no, scratch that. habaneros. BIG ONES.
1 tomato, chopped in half.
1 potato, cut into chunks larger than anyone can reasonably expect to put in their mouth.
slice of blueberry pie
bottle of italian dressing, barbecue sauce, or the marinade sauce of your choice.
this will also require an oversize grill, or possibly bonfire, and a big stick. a HUGE stick. im talking the kind of stick that would make king kong insecure about his manhood. yeah, thats the ticket.
start by brushing everything (excpet the pie) liberally with the mrinade sauce of your choice. next, stick each piece of food on your huge stick, alternating so it doesnt get repetitous. cook over the fire/grill, flipping to prevent burning and occasionaly brushing with more sauce. when the meat is thoruoghly cooked, take off heat, then stick on the slice of pie. if youre a real man, you will then eat it without allowing it to cool, because nothing shouts manliness like a blistered tongue.
*i believe that this ka-bob could actually be made, but if you're sane youll want to divide it into about 5 different ka-bobs at least, and probably skip the pie. add the ceaser salad if you wish.
this is the first one i wrote
Super kabob
ingredients:
1 lb. beef, chopped into eigths
1 lb pork, also eighthed (?)
1/2 lb chicken, chopped in quarters
2 whole onions
3 jalapenos. no, scratch that. habaneros. BIG ONES.
1 tomato, chopped in half.
1 potato, cut into chunks larger than anyone can reasonably expect to put in their mouth.
slice of blueberry pie
bottle of italian dressing, barbecue sauce, or the marinade sauce of your choice.
this will also require an oversize grill, or possibly bonfire, and a big stick. a HUGE stick. im talking the kind of stick that would make king kong insecure about his manhood. yeah, thats the ticket.
start by brushing everything (excpet the pie) liberally with the mrinade sauce of your choice. next, stick each piece of food on your huge stick, alternating so it doesnt get repetitous. cook over the fire/grill, flipping to prevent burning and occasionaly brushing with more sauce. when the meat is thoruoghly cooked, take off heat, then stick on the slice of pie. if youre a real man, you will then eat it without allowing it to cool, because nothing shouts manliness like a blistered tongue.
*i believe that this ka-bob could actually be made, but if you're sane youll want to divide it into about 5 different ka-bobs at least, and probably skip the pie. add the ceaser salad if you wish.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
being responsible, and why im not
so, i havent written in forever, which would make me feel much more guilty if anyone except my sister read this (actually, i dont know if she does read this) anyway, i have been crazy busy working on my Eagle. i have also made some interesting discoveries on my travels.
1) working on your eagle project SUCKS. noone cares about it but you, and (if you're me) you dont really care about it either. but your PARENTS care about. a lot. in the "wake you up at 5 am so you get an early start on it" sense of the word.
2) waking up early, combined with going to bed late, = zombie.
3) zombie = acute decreases in lucidity and mental activity. id keep writing, but i need to go eat brains.
1) working on your eagle project SUCKS. noone cares about it but you, and (if you're me) you dont really care about it either. but your PARENTS care about. a lot. in the "wake you up at 5 am so you get an early start on it" sense of the word.
2) waking up early, combined with going to bed late, = zombie.
3) zombie = acute decreases in lucidity and mental activity. id keep writing, but i need to go eat brains.
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